April 20, 2012

I wish there was something I could do...

I sometimes watch my husband as he works, and I can’t help but see certain things I wish I didn't.

I notice his skin… a little looser than it used to be. I notice his muscle tone… a little less than it used to be. I notice his strength… loosing it as the days go by.

He tires easier than he once did. A few years ago he would go and go and go and you could never get him to slow down. Now he takes breaks often and I know he feels it more than he shows it.

Four years ago, my husband… at age 29… was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. I knew something was going on by the way he was acting.  He would consume large amounts of liquids in a short period of time… as fast as he could get them down he would let them out.

It was really noticeable the day we went a couple hours out of town to get some supplies for a project at home. When we stopped at a gas station to fuel up, he bought four bottles of water and three large bottles of power aid. He drank all of those before we reached our destination, and we had to stop three times on the way for him to use the restroom. Something just wasn’t right and I knew it.

A few days later we were in the doctors office listing to the doctor say “Go straight to the hospital… don’t even go home first… you need to be hospitalized now! I don’t know how you are not in a coma right now! Your blood sugar is so high, our machine can’t even register it… it’s off the charts.”


That was just the beginning… the last four years have been twists and turns of medicine after medicine being changed… added… taken away… doses changed… needles… syringes… eating habits changed… finger pricks… blood drops…     lives   …   changed.

Our worlds were turned upside down for quite a while. We still are not exactly back to normal. I can literally see my husbands health deteriorate at times. It hurts so bad to watch someone you love so much go through something like this, knowing that there is nothing you can do to help him, or to slow it, or to stop it.

He is still young, and I am trusting in God for a complete and miraculous healing… where only He can receive the glory and praise. My husband on the other hand has accepted his “sentence” so to speak.
He is constantly trying to eat right, choose the right foods, the right portions, eat at the right times. This disease always seems to be getting worse every time we go to the doctor.

The last time we went for his check up we were told… “If more changes aren’t made, if things keep going the way they are going, you will have a heart attack before the age of 40.”  My husband is 33.

I watch him work and I can see that he is tired. I wish so badly that there was something I could do besides pray and beg God to heal him.  I love him so much… my children love him so much.

I often catch myself thinking about what life would be like without him here with us… I can’t imagine. I don’t want to imagine.

I thank God for him… for the gift of him… often.

 If you think of him, of us, at night before you fall asleep… say a prayer for him please. Pray for his health.

Thank you all! 


1 comment:

Evie's Story said...

Oh Angel dear
I had no idea! Your family has been through SO MUCH medically in recent years. Im so sorry and KNOW the pain of watching someone you love suffering. Praying strength and grace for you AND him!