June 13, 2012

First Chapter of my Book!

I'm writing my very first book ever! 

It's a Christian fiction, written from the view point of a young native american girl. 
I'll include the first page here... if you would like to continue on to read the rest of the chapter... let me know! 

Any advice, or critiques, are very much welcomed!
I'm thinking the title will be "Breath of Mercy"... not definite. 

Breath of Mercy
Page 1
     She shivers against the cold on her skin; the sharpness of it stings the back of her throat with every breath. The snow is falling thicker, faster now making it more difficult to see ahead. She wonders when the elders will decide to stop running, or if they will find shelter before sundown.

        With each step she takes, the snow crunches beneath her bare, numb feet. She pulls her fur shawl a little tighter around her thin body in an attempt to slow her shivering. She pictures her sandals still lying on the floor in their small hut. She wishes she had remembered to grab them.
     She looks around and can make out the forms of her family members through the falling snow. Their dark figures stand out against the white backdrop. Fear and confusion etch every face. Some are crying and others look off in the distance, perhaps wondering about their fate as she is.
     To her left she can make out the silhouette of the mountains. To her right the forest is hushed. Normal for this time of year, but it seems especially quiet today. She sighs through her shivering; the cold turns her breath into a hushed grey stream of smoke.
        At the front of the group she spots her father and the elders whispering. She wonders what they’re planning. She would give anything to be able to hear the words they were speaking.  She knows there’s no chance of eavesdropping through the whistling and howling of the wind sweeping all around. It’s so cold, she’s almost thankful her toes have lost their feeling.

aaaannnnddd.... that's the end of page 1. 
I'm sure it will be edited many times before I consider it completed.
Thank you all for reading! 

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3 comments:

Jody Lee Collins said...

Angel, this is a nice beginning--really pulls the reader into the story. I'd like to offer my services in editing--I've done much as a writer, teacher and editor. (Not for content, really, just mechanics....like spelling and grammar.)

let me know what you think. I'd love to help with your process.

MrsP said...

Amen Jody--liked the uncertain tension. Angel, getting an editor right off the bat is a Godsend and will keep you from doing things like spelling 'eavesdropping' wrong.

I am in the process of writing my first page of my first novel, too. Always did creative nonfiction before. Didn't know this could be so hard!

Saundra McKenzie said...

Wow, that is a great start. Now I want to know what happens.