March 1, 2012

Our past, and how it effects our children and generations to come!

I learned, going back in my mind to my childhood, how so many things that went on back then have programmed me to be the person I am today.

My dad was such an angry man, we walked on egg shells every single day trying to avoid making him angry…. Doing everything we could as to not draw attention to ourselves and to make him happy.
I hated to do laundry, I hated to do dishes, I hated to clean…. Because after every attempt he would inspect and point out every failure and short coming.

Even today, when conflict starts to arise, my initial response is to retract, and retreat. Keep quiet and get as far away as possible… basically, plop your head under the sand like a shaking ostrich and hope no one notices the rest of you lurking above ground. If they do and start to kick at you, throw rocks at you or hit you with sticks... just close your eyes tighter and pretend it isn’t happening and eventually it will all go away.
It also, I’m sure, has a lot to do with the reason why I hate to clean and pick up things today. What’s the point in doing the very best you can when it will never be good enough? When no matter how much you put into it, you will be put down for it not being enough for those around you.

My father would lock me in the back laundry room with a months’ worth of laundry all weekend with a fan blowing the heat from the dryer…. And expect me to stay in there until all of the laundry was sorted, washed, dried, folded, hung and picked up its place. I was eight when that began.

Even to this day I have mounds and mounds of laundry at a time. I think those feelings of dreading going into the laundry room all weekend to do the clothes… only to have him come in and inspect the way I folded the towels.. always to his disapproval.. and throw them all back on the floor for me to re-do. Or to yell at me to hang his pants upside down folded at the crease. His pants were so much taller than I was… it was so hard to do that. He would always come in and whip me because I didn’t do it the way he wanted it done.

I think that has something to do with the reason why I panic every time I try to iron or fold at the crease… I still cannot get that right to this day.

So many things from my past have created my insecurities and shortcomings of today I can’ t help but think about my children and wonder what, if any, insecurities and/or shortcomings I am developing in them today. Insecurities and shortcomings that will follow them well into adulthood… haunting them.

I was selected to read and review a book titled – How We Love Our Kids

About this book –
One Small Change in How You Love
One Big Change in your Kids
Having problems with your kids?  What if you are the problem and you just can’t see it?  How We Love Our Kids offers a unique approach, to help you as a parent transform your kids by making specific changes in how you love. It’s the only book specifically for parents that reveals the unseen forces that shape every interaction with your kids.   
   • Identify which of the five love styles you have. 
   • Discover the surprising dynamics that shape your parenting. 
   • Get rid of your “buttons” so your kids can’t push them. 
   • Create a close connection with your kids that will last a lifetime. 
   • Learn the seven gifts every child needs. 

Based on years of research in the area of attachment and bonding,  How We Love Our Kids shows parents how to overcome the predictable challenges that arise out of the five love styles and helps parents cultivate a secure, deep connection with a child of any age.  Retool your reactions and refocus on how you love.  Start today. Watch your kids flourish and thrive as they receive what was missing in your love. 

It is said that this book will “ Reveal some blind spots in you as a parent… and also discuss how to respond to your children, free from the dictates of your past. If you’re willing to accept your children’s spotlight and set some goals for yourself to improve your responses, you will change your children by changing the quality of love you are giving them. And you’ll change their lives as well, even for future generations.

I am super excited to be able to read and review this book and I hope that I will learn much from it's pages and that I will be given the wisdom I need to be able to apply what I learn into my lives and the lives of those around me. 

Father, I come to You humbly with an open and raw heart and I ask You to please show me any ways in which I am making my children insecure. I want them to grow up nurtured and loved in my home and I want them to know that they can do all things they put their minds to as long as they put their trust and the glory of their successes in You.  I ask you Lord, to please help me undo any ways that I have hurt them, or caused them to doubt themselves or their abilities. I ask you to please make me aware of the unique gifts You have given to each of them individually so I can, with Your wisdom and guidance, help them to grow those gifts in a way to bring You glory. I want nothing more than to take these beautiful children You have entrusted to me and help form their lives into ones that You will be proud of… not ones that I will regret having to give an account for on the day of my judgment. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen!


I will let you all know about my review as soon as I have one!


No comments: