Five Minute Friday - Identity

I've been looking inward lately.  I'm often confused with what I find... confused with the fact that I'm not sure what it is I find.  


I sit and wonder who am I? Who am I in this world, to my family, in my church? What is my identity in Christ?  Is my identity solid? 


People around me, who know me... who really know me, would they consider me a strong woman of faith or would they consider my faith wishy washy?


I look at my husband and my children and I wonder the same for them. How, when, will they be secure in their identity in the Lord. If I wonder these things even now... will they ever be secure?


I know that I've found John 3:30 lately... and all I know to do is keep repeating it to myself, keep reminding myself.   The devil is a liar, it's not about me... its not about me.


He must increase... I must decrease. 


More of Him, less of me....   Less of me, more of You.


More of you all, more of everyone of you out there.


I've always been the person everyone ran to with their problems... not because I would be able to solve them for them... but because I would sit, nod, and listen... because I didn't judge or criticize.  I want more of that.  I want to make my life about everyone and everything around me.  I don't want anything at all to be the focus of me, but I want to make the focus on God.


Thank you Lord, for giving me this revelation... and I thank you for reminding me each time I loose sight of it.


Less of me, more of You.

STOP

Sarcastically Wonderful Mothering Moments...

It was a baking hot August morning... 


I was four months pregnant with baby number four and I was tired... exhausted... worn out!


I woke up that morning and sent the older two children off to school. It was just me and Angelina (who at the time was 2) and we both seemed to be sluggish that day. 


I put a load of clothes in the washer, cleaned up the kitchen from breakfast and found myself getting more and more tired as the minutes moved on... sooo tired.


I was not a person who took naps, that was absolutely unheard of for me... but my head and eye lids were getting heavier with each passing second and I felt if I could only take a few minutes... even if just 15 minutes to rest, perhaps that would be all I would need to keep me moving for the rest of the day.


I unselfishly put that ridiculous idea aside since I had Angelina to look after.  I forged on that morning and started to fold the clothes that were in the dryer... half way through the load of clothes I realized it had gotten quiet. I turned my head to find my sweet little Angel asleep on the sofa. I wasn't sure if it was the August heat here in Louisiana making us so tired, or if we both just didn't get enough rest the night before... but I seen my chance, and I took it.  Oh I hesitated a little... there was so much to do... did I mention I never took naps.


As I lay my head down on my pillow I thought... why? Why don't I take naps? It seems like such a wonderful thing... naps... so full of rest and peace right? I drifted... off... to sleep. 


I awoke to giggles, my heart started to pound... what was she laughing at? Laughing could not be a good thing could it? Oh my goodness... why did I take a nap?!  I walked as fast as I could to the living room to find Angelina sitting on the sofa watching t.v.  Whew!  What was I worried about?! She's fine... everything's fine!


I turned to walk in to the kitchen... I was going to start prepping for lunch when  all of a sudden....  what in the?! (sniff) wh... at...  what is that smell?! 


ugh... (gag)


(sniff) What is that?!


(sniff) it was... poop! It smelled like poop!  Oh... my poor baby!  "Angelina" I called... whew... I thought "this one is going to call for a bath!"


In ran Angelina... 


with    
no    
diaper!


My heart stopped... for an entire minute I just stared at her... my mouth open, eyes wide... I went into mini hysterics!  "Angelina, did you poop? Did you poop?! Where did you poop? Where's the poop?!"  She just stared at me... blankly... 


I began to walk back forth in the living room... (sniff) ugh... (sniff, sniff) gag... 
My four month pregnant stomach couldn't take much more of this!!  I walked back and forth, and back and forth... I looked over all the floors, in the chairs, on the sofa, behind the chairs... I could smell it!  WHERE WAS IT?! 


I spotted the diaper! It was near the window... I picked up the diaper and it was... empty. empty?


Me. confused. looked up to glance out the window in thought. Where could....


uh uh.... no.... no way....  I sat there... staring at the window.  I believe this was one of the only times in my life I both laughed and cried at the same time... the window... the window?!


There on the window... was the poop. 


She had taken the poop.... out of her diaper... and s-m-e-a-r-e-d it on the window!
 Did I mention it was a hot "baking" day in August, here in Louisiana?!  


I could not simply wipe the poop off the window... oh no... that would be too easy.... the sun had baked the poop onto the window... it took scraping, and scrubbing, and gagging, and crying, and laughing... and why??? What in the world would posses her to do this?! 


Needless to say... I never took a nap again... and I didn't get anything accomplished at all that day, except half a load of clothes folded, one window cleaned, and a bath... for both of us. 


(I don't even want to think about how she got the poop off her hands!)


This post was inspired by


Prompt #1.) Share a parenting moment where you really began to realize what this mothering thing is all about.

A Heavy Heart...

I sit here today with a heavy heart... so heavy.


Even as I write that I almost smile at the thought of it. I've had quite a few pets in my life... I've loved them all, but I've always looked at them as just that... a pet. I never really grew attached to any of them... they were pets after all. That is, until Kiwi. My beautiful little Quaker Parrot. Green and fluffy ball of laughter. 

I wanted a Quaker Parrot for 5 years before I received Kiwi for my Christmas present this past year. She learned so many words and phrases. She would say "pretty girl" she would do the wolf whistle, she would make kissing sounds, she would say "Do you want it?" and "Good girl". She would say her name "Kiwi" and when she wanted to be picked up she would say "step up".  She would mimic the kids laughter and the sound of our living room door squeaking open. She would say "ouch" and mumble different things like a little cute grouch. We all loved her. 

She craved attention. She would fly down, or climb down from her cage and seek out someone... when she would find you, she would climb up your pant leg, up your shirt until she reached your shoulder... she would look at you and snuggle up to your face, give you a tiny peck on your cheek and make a kissing sound.  


My children would play on the floor with her... she was so much entertainment for us. You could ask her a question, and she would bob her head up and down for "yes" or ignore you for "no" and she knew what you were saying!

 That all ended Monday night... 


A boy with a hurt knee...    hopping on one foot trying to make it to the living room... a small kiwi on the floor in that living room looking for someone to play with... kiwi went unseen.


Please pray for us... I know this sounds insane, but Kiwi was as much a part of our family as any one of us. I've never cried over the loss of a pet... until Kiwi. I cried so much Sunday night, I woke up Monday morning with swollen eye lids... SWOLLEN EYE LIDS! 


I don't know if it was because I'm getting older, or because it had been so long since I last cried my eye lids freaked out, or the combination of the both of them... but I had never before had swollen eye lids from crying!


My son... my beautiful son... he loved that Kiwi... and he is hurting, because it was his foot, and he feels his fault... and his heart breaking each time he sees one of us hurting.


Someone said maybe it we were so close to Kiwi because she could speak.  I thought on that for a while... I don't think that's true. I believe if Kiwi spoke even more than she did, but was attached to her cage and never wanted us to mess with her we would not have been as close to her. I think what made us love her so much was her yearning to be affectionate with us. She sought out love and attention. She would come and find us... she MADE us love her because she loved us so much... because she loved to be near us.


I thought "wow" how much more is our God pleased with us when we seek Him out... when we crave to be near him... when we go at great lengths to just be in his presence? 


Everyone who came over played with Kiwi, everyone laughed with her, everyone loved her!! Could it be that this little tiny parrot loved Community?!  I would dare to say so. 


Thank you so much for your kindness... and your prayers... we really need them right now.

My Grandma, My Angel, My Hero...

My grandmother (Maw maw) - my Angel - My hero...

As some of you already know, my mother left after having an affair when I was 7 years of age... my dad took care of me and my two younger brothers for the next 5 years... until he found a new woman, one who didn't like us very much.


My dad decided that he would rather be with her than to be with us any longer, and he asked my grandmother to take care of us. 


This lady, my grandmother, had already given birth, and raised five children of her own. When her oldest daughter was 26, her youngest daughter was 12, they were in a really bad car accident. The oldest daughter was killed and my grandmother took in and raised her two young children, who were then 5 and 2. The youngest daughter was in a coma for months, and came out partially paralyzed. The youngest daughter is now approaching her 50's and is still living at home with my grandmother. 


At the time my dad asked my grandmother to take care of the three of us, the 2 year old mentioned in the last paragraph, had just turned 19 and was getting out on his own.  My grandfather, on the other hand, didn't care too much for children and was NOT going to allow my grandmother to take in and raise more children. She was NOT going to let us go to the state, or on the streets, so she did what she felt she had to do.


After 40 years of being married and living in the same home as my grandfather, she began to plan her "escape" of sorts. She found a home right down the street from where she was currently living and she began to rent it. One day while my grandfather was at work, my grandmother packed all of her things and moved into the other home... where we were welcomed. I know she was tired from the years of taking care of little ones... it seemed as soon as she thought she was finished raising them, more came to her doorway.


She put everything behind her, the man she loved, the home she had always lived in, just so we wouldn't have to do without. My youngest brother just turned 22 years of age, and my grandmother finally has the house to herself, herself and my aunt.


I've never heard my grandmother say the word NO to anyone. She welcomes everyone she knows with open arms. She can sew the most beautiful items you could ever lay eyes on... she's actually the reason why I love sewing, and crocheting.


In studying the Proverbs 31 woman I one day realized... they were speaking of my Maw maw. She tirelessly does for everyone, and never once have I heard her complain... I can see that she limps in pain from her hip at times, but she never lets it slow her down.


She can get out in her green house and move, lift, plant, re-pot the most beautiful plants... she can take a saw and some wood, with some nails in hand and she can create anything you can ask her to. 


I love my grandmother... she was my mother growing up... and I could not have asked for a better one.  I love that she falls asleep each night reading her bible, and that she begins her day each morning with a cup of coffee in one hand, and her bible in the other... she sits next to her living room windown, sipping her coffee, and receiving the word of God. 

I only hope that I can one day become half the woman she is.

I love you Maw maw!

Gitzen girl inspired canvas giveaway!

Hi friends,


I think most of you have read the post that I put up earlier last week about Sara from Gitzengirl.blogspot.com, such an inspiration that woman is... and I did mean is. 


I found myself scanning through the posts in her blog and I came across a number of canvas paintings she created, she would often give them away as well. I found myself coveting these paintings! I knew that I could never actually have one of HER canvas paintings, as she is no longer here to create one for me. I decided to try and re-create one of them myself... eeeak.


Having never before done a painting like this on canvas, I was a tad bit nervous about what the finished product would look like (to say the least). I printed a picture from the (in)courage web site, and used it as a guide. I didn't think it would hurt anything since I'm creating this for my own personal use and not selling it or passing it off as my own creation. I think I was able to get it pretty close! I did not, however, attempt the words "I will take joy - Habakkuk 3:18" because my handwriting is atrocious compared to dear sweet Sara's! I just knew it would mess up the entire painting.

What do you think? I LOVE it... and I didn't realize until afterwards, but the colors match my bedroom... deep reds and golds... it's as if this was created just for me!


As I made this canvas, I was praying and thanking God for giving Sara to the world, thanking Him for allowing me to stumble across her blog. Not long after that I reached in my purse for a little note book I keep... I pulled it out to write a memo to myself and happened to notice the verse on the cover. The scripture was Psalm 16:11 and read In Your presence is fullness of joy.


Wow... In Your presence is fullness of joy. I sat there looking at it, reading it, and absorbing it for a moment. It seems that's exactly what Sara was telling us when she said Choose Joy... she was telling us to choose to remain in the presence of our Lord.


How amazing is our God!


At this time in my life it seems the common theme of everything I read and come into contact with is Community! I found the (in)courage community website, which I adore... at church we just finished a new series titled "The call to community" ... community, community, community... are you trying to tell me something Lord? ha ha.


I placed the canvas I made in my bedroom, above a bed side shelf I put up a while back. I sat there admiring it for a while... it's just perfect and beautiful to me... when the thought came to my mind. I wonder how many more people out there have been touched by the life of Sara, how many of them would also like to own a canvas painting in memory of her?


I didn't want to re-create a canvas she made for a giveaway though, I didn't think it would be right... but the Lord had already given me the perfect scripture - Psalm 16:11... so I created another canvas with this scripture on it. I tried to stay somewhat true to Sara's style when painting it. I did some swirly circles, some dots, and a single heart. I'm so sorry the picture quality is poor at best I had to take this with my daughters cell phone, as my camera broke at the girls retreat. (I'm hoping for a new camera for mothers day :))

I hope you like this... and it will be given away to one blessed person, for free. All you have to do is comment on this post to let me know you would like to win it. (make sure I have a way to contact you back if you win) A winner will be randomly selected on May 18th. 


If you win, or not, you can still go to the (in)courage website here and print a Choose Joy picture to frame for yourself! 


On a side note - if no one wants my canvas... that's okay with me too... it will be right at home in my bathroom! :) 


I hope you have a very blessed, joyous day!