I Know That I Might Hurt You, I Know That We Might Cry...

Sit down. Be quiet. 

Children are to be seen, not heard.

We were taught this growing up… to sit still and not speak unless spoken to.

I was good at this. I liked this arrangement.

I could sit and drift off in my imagination… it was my favorite place to be. Once in a while I would listen to the adult conversations… this lead to something else entirely for me. With my wild imagination… and compassionate heart… I was able to imagine myself in others shoes.

When I would hear the adults talking about Suzie Homemaker and how her husband walked out on her and her two children… I would imagine being Suzie homemaker… I would imagine how devastated I was when I found out I would be alone with my children, no support, no helper. I would tear up with emotions.

I would imagine I was Emma Jean and just received a promotion at work… I would feel the excitement and a smile would come to my face.

Because of this, even as young as six and seven years old, I had a very advanced understanding of human emotions… and I became very aware and in tuned to those around me. Put that together with my love of writing and it made for very interesting poetry for a child my age.

I remember once when I was eight years old I wrote a two part poem. Part one was written from the perspective of someone ending an intimate relationship with someone else. Part two was written from the perspective of someone trying to comfort the person who was just dumped. (yeah, a little deep for an eight year old right.) I was proud of my poems… and so I brought my work to school and showed it to my 3^rd grade teacher. She did not believe I wrote it.

She asked me a series of questions and then proceeded to tell me that I was lying to her about writing them, and she kept asking me to tell her which book I copied it out of. 

I wasn’t sure if I was more offended by her calling me a liar, or honored that she thought it actually came out of a book.

She could see that I wasn’t going to break and tell her that I copied the poems, so she tried a different tactic. She asked me how often I write poems, in which I responded “every day”.  She asked me if I could write her a poem… in 10 minutes? I told her yes… she said “Even if I pick the topic?” I said “Yes” she said “Okay, butterflies… I’m going to set the timer… sit right here next to me and start.”

I wrote the most beautiful poem about butterflies and the way their wings glisten in the sunlight with the morning dew atop them… no seriously… I wish I had that poem today, but she took it and didn’t give it back.

After she read it she went around the school bragging on me to the other teachers. Together they decided they would enter that 10 minute written poem into some contest that was going on. I don’t think I won that one… or maybe they never entered it… because I never heard anything more of it after that day.

Anyway… I believe God gave me that talent… that ability. Not only writing and poetry, but the ability to sense the feelings and emotions of others around me. When I sense the hurt of others, I carry it around with me for days afterwards. When I’m around someone excited about an event in their lives… It excites me for them as well.

It was a blessing… those words of Sit down and be quiet.

It was also a curse.

I still want to sit down and be quiet way too often in my life.

I want to blend into the background and just absorb, and observe, and be left to my imagination. I’m thankful that at this time in my life, God is calling and pushing me out of my comfort zone. He’s calling me to step out, and talk.

I’ve a long road before that feels even remotely comfortable… but with His help I’ll get there.

Now, for that two part poem I wrote when I was 8…

Part 1

I know that I might hurt you,

I know that we might cry,

But deep deep down inside me

I know it’s time to say goodbye.

Goodbye may seem like forever

Although it’s really a fresh new start.

And I know I’ll always love you

From the bottom of my heart.

Part 2

If someone has hurt you

Deep deep down inside,

Don’t cry again

If you’ve ever cried.

If there was a boy involved

in this scene you see,

the love you had for him,

just wasn't meant to be. 

Forget about the boy.

He was dumb and no good,

And if he ever listened

You weren’t understood.

hmmm. well. that's it. Seemed much longer when I was younger :)

I wish I remembered by heart others I wrote… but this was the only one that stuck with me all those years.

Thank you for staying for my ramble. 

May you allow God to push you out of your comfort zones, and may you reach out, and react to those emotions around you. May you resist the temptation to just sit and be quiet. 

I Wanted to Sink INTO the Pew

Okay, so a couple of years ago we were invited to attend a baby’s dedication ceremony.

I woke up early that morning and got myself, and our four children, dressed and we headed to the church.

Once there, the kids would NOT listen to me, which is actually out of their norm for being out in public… they like to not listen to me at home, but in public they are usually well behaved.

After telling Angelina four times to stop touching her sister, and not wanting to really make a scene, I leaned in really, really close and said “I told you not to touch her again, if you touch her one more time, we’re packing up and we are going home.”

Proud of myself for handling this situation in a somewhat calm manner, I sat back in the seat so I could pay attention to the rest of the ceremony… at which time my Angelina exclaimed loudly…

“YOUR BREATH STINKS”

Everyone in the church turned to see who she was speaking of and my other children busted out in laughter (the first time they were all on the same side and getting along since we arrived there) and I was MORTIFIED.

I wanted to sink INTO the pew.

This post was inspired by

Prompt 1.) Write about a time your child embarrassed you in public.

Building UP... and Link up!

Hubby decided to start working on the house!!! We’ve been in our home for about 4 years now, and it has needed a lot of work. With lack of money, time and energy… not much has been done in the line of improvements since we have been living here.

I am so very excited that he is ready to start fixing things up.

The first place he started working in was my sewing/craft room!! So I am SUPER ecstatic about that! He tore out and replaced 4 windows in there, and took out the three old dated doors! He replaced those wooded doors with ones that have large windows in them… sooo much more light in there… it’s a HUGE improvement with just those changes. Hopefully by the time this post goes up we will have the sheetrock up.  Next will be the ceiling, then the moldings. I am so anxious to see the finished product!

Here is an official "before" picture of the room when we bought it... my grandmother says it looks like the previous owners bought whatever paint was on clearance and just put it all together... yuck. I'm embarrassed to say that it still looks that exact same way today.  I promise to post "after" pictures when we are done! It should be a HUGE improvement... although just about anything would be considering where it's at now.

Door coming from my kitchen into the breezeway/craft room

One of the doors leading outside... the wall opposite of this one looks
the exact same way, it just leads to the back yard instead of the front.

Once we complete this room, we are moving on to the kitchen!! My next favorite room! Yay me! 

The only down side is that the work is really exhausting… add in the stress of running into complications, and four kids running between your feet, and those kids fighting, and are hungry/thirsty/tired… it can be testing at times.

Oh how wonderful it is though, to be working so hard side by side together towards a common goal… for our family… fixing up our home.

Just as it takes hard work to build the kingdom of God, for it’s just as testing, and exhausting at times. Between the children of the Lord fighting with each other. Some remain hungry for his words without knowing and seeking it. They remain thirsting for everlasting life not realizing what it is they are thirsting after.

Sometimes you get discouraged to the point of wanting to give up and quit… but ohh… if you just press on, if you just keep on going a little at a time, nail by nail, board by board… keep building, and changing, and fixing, piece by piece. Working side by side with others, towards a common goal… for your brothers and sisters in Christ! How beautiful will it be when we step back in the end in admiration of our life’s work for the Lord…

How amazing will it be to hear the voice of the Lord say to us “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

I want to know in the end that I worked with my hands to help build His kingdom.  I don’t want to look back and know that I sat idly by waiting for it to all get done by itself, or expecting and assuming there would be others who would come after me willing to do the works I don’t.

Where are you today?

Is there something in your life you’ve been feeling God leading you to do?

Maybe this is His way of telling you that He does need your help… He CAN use you, just the way you are… right where you are.


What are some things you are working on? This could be a craft, sewing project, house project, cooking recipes... anything at all! Link up and show us your current projects!

Also... on a side note... I have finally created a new button to match my new header...

If you would like... you can grab it now! :)

<a href="http://onesewingmommie.blogspot.com" target="_blank"><img alt="One Sewing Mommie" src=" http://i1189.photobucket.com/albums/z430/angelsdivinecreations/NewBlutton.jpg "/></a>

I Pour Out My All...

I take all of my worries

and I take all of my pain...

I give it all to you, my Lord

and I receive nothing but gain.

As I pour out my all,

as I kneel at your feet,

You take all that I give you

as I declair my defeat.

With your hands, you take what I've given

and you begin to twist and distort,

until there's no longer a resemblance of what I once had,

and you put it all back in my heart.

At once I feel so empowered,

overwhelmed with joy and peace.

The warmth of your love, it fills me.

Worry and pain have come to cease.

I turn around to thank you

for all you've done for me,

You look into my eyes,

and my pain is all I see.

It didn't dissappear at all,

you absorbed it as your own.

The weight of my sin on the shoulders

of the one who sits on the thrown.

The uglyness of it shocks me.

It's more than I can bear.

All of my mess on that spotless lamb

is not right, it's not at all fair

He tells me that it's o.k.

Not to forget all that he's done...

for His Father who reigns in heaven

gave me Him... His only son.

He said nothing I do could ever repay him,

so I shouldn't even try...

Just accept the love He has for me

and in that love Abide.

There's no love more powerful

than the love He has for me,

and he wants me there in paradise

for all eternity.

He said that there are others like me

holding on to pain and doubt.

He said that I should tell them

what His love is all about.

He told me that you needed to be reminded today... of His love for you. He said that you're holding on to things that you don't need to be. Things that are hurting you, things that are heavy, things that you should let go of.

He said for me to remind you of Psalm 46:1 - "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."

You don't have to go through this alone. You can give it to Him... give it all to Him, and He will take it from you and give you His peace!

You're tired, you need rest, let it go... just let it go. 

I Have Problems... Real Problems

I would sit on the edge of my bed and cry, as I felt the weight of the world crushing in on me.

I would look up towards the heavens and ask God to help me… because I knew I couldn’t do it on my own.

Between the diapers, and the crying babies, the cooking, the dishes, laundry, sweeping, moping, dusting, errands, bills, husband, the older children, homework, appointments, school, the job…It was all just too much for one person to bear alone… wasn’t it?

When someone would come over and offer to help… I would decline… and be greatly offended. I would think “Why would they offer to help unless they thought I couldn’t do it on my own? They can’t possibly know what it’s like not having enough time in the day.” I could even hear the judgmental tone in their voice when they offered to help!

I would turn to God and cry, and ask Him to help me because I knew I couldn’t do it alone! Not only did I have all of these tasks on my to do list in a day, with the unfinished list spilling over into the next day, and the next, and the next, but I had these judgmental people coming over who thought they were better than I was…

You see I have a problem… (I’m sure stemming back from my childhood)

A problem with letting people give to me, or help me.

I’ve always felt that if I allow someone to help me in any way… I’m admitting that I can’t do it by myself, thus claiming myself a failure. It’s one thing for God to know that I’m a failure, it’s another thing for me to let people in and let them close enough to see where I fail themselves. I’ve been rejected and hurt by so many people in my life I just couldn’t take any more.

It seemed to me that everyone around me had everything figured out… they all had these perfect lives where everything got done somehow… they made it look so easy! So I put up this barrier, and I closed myself off from everyone because surely they were all just out to get me because I wasn’t perfect like them.

 I never could allow someone to help me clean, run errands for me, or watch my children, because that’s admitting that I’m a failure… a failure as a wife and mother… so I struggle, and I push, and I cry, and I drown a little more each day.

I cry out to God for help… and someone offers to help, or come over, and I decline because I can’t handle the weight of their judgment.

And do you know what? One day, as I was crying out to God… He asked me “Why do you keep asking me for help, yet when I send help your way you decline it? Do you not realize that you all are the body of Christ? So when you ask me to extend a helping hand to you… how do you expect me to do that?”


1 Corinthians 12:27 - Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

I don’t know what it is I expected to happen when I prayed for help…

Maybe for God to stop the day like He did for Joshua? (Joshua 10:13)

Give me some super mommy strength that would allow me to speed through the list a couple times a month and get everything caught up?

For me to wake up one morning with the clothes, dishes, and floors all magically cleaned?

I honestly don’t know… but I had failed to see His help in those who extended their hands and hearts to me. 

I confused their concerns with condemnation, their helpful tones with hostility.

So how do you think I handled this new revelation?  I wish I could say that I was able to tear down the barrier I had long ago placed around my heart and allowed others to come in and help me in my times of need… but no.

No.

I stopped praying for help.

I gave up.

I allowed myself to sink way down below the surface of the water and gulp… I let the deep dark depths of the abyss consume me as I inhaled depression… and it was a long time before I was again able to gain enough strength to doggy paddle my way back up to the surface for air.

By the Grace of God I have now come up… still wet… but out of the water. I have allowed the kindness of others to penetrate the barrier I had built up and I can now experience friendships, community! Oh I know I will get hurt… I know that I will hurt others… but the joy I receive allowing my path to combine and cross with those around me far outweighs the pain of a possible betrayal.

I still have a hard time allowing people to help… but I’m getting better… 

As I once read - You bless others by letting them give to you – just like you feel blessed when you give to them…

A now good friend of mine once told me as she extended a hand to me (she knew me by then and could see I was about to decline her help)… “Don’t turn down a blessing from God”.

That stuck with me… and I find myself repeating those words in my mind often when people offer their hand – “Don’t turn down a blessing from God”

I’m not perfect… but like my 8 year old tells me (and her class mates) all the time “No one is perfect”

By the Grace of God and His strength, I know that I can make it through whatever task is set before me… for I know that God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

No, I’m not perfect… and I struggle… but I’ve come to realize that NO ONE IS PERFECT… we all have issues, we all feel inadequate in some area of our lives… we all think that there are people who look down on us because of our inadequacies. You know, the last part might be true, but so is the first… even those who are quick to pick up that first stone and aim it at you have areas in their lives they want to keep in the closet, hidden from the outside world. For me, knowing and remembering that… well, it helps.

Hi, my name is Angel… and I have problems…